Steve, This is a great piece, so funny. You could perform this anywhere. I don't think it would be a great career move, but you could easily embarrass that agency that passed.
too many fantastic lines to list! I got to crying laughing on this one. Is anybody going to want my organs? <dying here> I have HAD so many of these thoughts. But you write them better and with fantastic (and relentless!) timing. Thanks much.
We’re ALL in a process of facing our mortality, thank you for doing it so expertly & chronicling it so memorably. “It’s like being in sports hospice” is the line that made me laugh out loud in the office!
While the Ralph Nader quote is like you’ve juiced inspiration in the soul’s Vitamix — thank you for calling us all in!
I wish I couldn't relate to this as well as I do. You kind of almost made me feel not so bad about being old. I laughed out loud a lot, all without peeing my pants. (I got my first AARP discount at 55, at Denny's. I saw it advertised and thought, why not, but surely they would want to see some ID and I could say I'd been carded again. Nope, just gave me the discount, no questions asked, no comments like "Really, you don't even look 50." Sigh. )
Hilarious, but I say that a lot about your work. very on point. Not too long ago, I was cycling in Central Park, and ran into the back of a roller blader. Mostly my fault. We both go down. As he springs to his wheels I realize he is a very muscular 20 something with tattoos and absolutely terrifying. I am still caught under my bike, waiting to die. But he rushes over, and helps me up. He calls me sir, and I realize that in his mind, he has almost killed an elderly man.
I still walk down the street and size up people thinking, "I could take him." They of course are looking at me and thinking how sad it would be to be that old.
I can relate. Sometimes I look at pictures of myself as a younger man and say, "Who the hell is that?" Then I look in the mirror and say, "Who the hell is THAT?" It's so hard to maintain an accurate sense of yourself. Mile time was 5:20. Bundini was the real runner among us: Le Machine.
I ran either 5:25 or 5:35. I cannot remember. Remember you could not bend over and put your hands on your knees. Another wrong advice. Anyway, I was proud of my time at 225.
Hysterical and close to home. Last time I got together with college classmates recently, we were all talking about Medicare plans and our various age related infirmities. I was tell another friend “of a certain age” and he said, “Oh, you went to an organ recital!”
Per usual, great stuff. The benefit of being an incontinent gardener is the fertilizer you bring straight from the source. The phrase that struck me most in this piece was "sports hospice." That's a good word pairing.
Smiled all the way through this; smiles of recognition, smiles of amusement, smiles appreciating all the laughs you’ve given us, and continue to give here.
Laughed out loud at this one, especially since my husband and I could relate to much of what you wrote. Being 66 and 70 respectively, and still feeling like we’re 18, there is no going quietly into the “good night.”
Good stuff Steve. But I don't picture you as old. I picture the athletic free safety who could crack a joke and get the girl. I'm with you on pickleball but for a different reason: every doctor I know says they see the most injuries in "old people" from playing pickleball. No thanks. And I was going to join a senior baseball league until I saw the 70 year old Cubans in the Florida league on their web site and just knew they would strike me out every time. While smoking a cigar and drinking a beer. I'll just stick to my morning sprints, free weights while watching Morning Joe and naps whenever I feel like it. And in Florida, most sane people hire a gardener. Thanks for writing these.
okok.
I surrender. If nothing else, you know too much, and I fear retribution.
I pledge my “support”.
-Stephen
BTW Joining a band is GREAT cardio. You will ALWAYS be a roadie. Look at CS.
Or don’t.
Steve, This is a great piece, so funny. You could perform this anywhere. I don't think it would be a great career move, but you could easily embarrass that agency that passed.
too many fantastic lines to list! I got to crying laughing on this one. Is anybody going to want my organs? <dying here> I have HAD so many of these thoughts. But you write them better and with fantastic (and relentless!) timing. Thanks much.
We’re ALL in a process of facing our mortality, thank you for doing it so expertly & chronicling it so memorably. “It’s like being in sports hospice” is the line that made me laugh out loud in the office!
While the Ralph Nader quote is like you’ve juiced inspiration in the soul’s Vitamix — thank you for calling us all in!
I wish I couldn't relate to this as well as I do. You kind of almost made me feel not so bad about being old. I laughed out loud a lot, all without peeing my pants. (I got my first AARP discount at 55, at Denny's. I saw it advertised and thought, why not, but surely they would want to see some ID and I could say I'd been carded again. Nope, just gave me the discount, no questions asked, no comments like "Really, you don't even look 50." Sigh. )
Hilarious, but I say that a lot about your work. very on point. Not too long ago, I was cycling in Central Park, and ran into the back of a roller blader. Mostly my fault. We both go down. As he springs to his wheels I realize he is a very muscular 20 something with tattoos and absolutely terrifying. I am still caught under my bike, waiting to die. But he rushes over, and helps me up. He calls me sir, and I realize that in his mind, he has almost killed an elderly man.
I still walk down the street and size up people thinking, "I could take him." They of course are looking at me and thinking how sad it would be to be that old.
Hey, what was your mile time senior year?
I can relate. Sometimes I look at pictures of myself as a younger man and say, "Who the hell is that?" Then I look in the mirror and say, "Who the hell is THAT?" It's so hard to maintain an accurate sense of yourself. Mile time was 5:20. Bundini was the real runner among us: Le Machine.
I ran either 5:25 or 5:35. I cannot remember. Remember you could not bend over and put your hands on your knees. Another wrong advice. Anyway, I was proud of my time at 225.
5:20, 5:25, 5:35 doesn't matter. That's bookin'.
I could relate to so many of the points you made. I think I am charging harder now! Great piece- will save to read again when I need a chuckle.
Hysterical and close to home. Last time I got together with college classmates recently, we were all talking about Medicare plans and our various age related infirmities. I was tell another friend “of a certain age” and he said, “Oh, you went to an organ recital!”
Exactly! Replacement parts.
Don’t worry, old man, you’re still adorable.
Per usual, great stuff. The benefit of being an incontinent gardener is the fertilizer you bring straight from the source. The phrase that struck me most in this piece was "sports hospice." That's a good word pairing.
[ mandy & Fred]. BRAVO BRAVO ! we're all cracked up over here.
xo
Smiled all the way through this; smiles of recognition, smiles of amusement, smiles appreciating all the laughs you’ve given us, and continue to give here.
Please never stop
Thank you for that, Lorrie.
Thanks for posting this, Steve. It had me laughing out loud, which is a great form of exercise for us old farts.
So funny Skro! Too many good lines to quote. But being awake IS tiring. I admire your refusal to play pickle ball. me too
Been reading your sub stacks every since my nephew Sammy said he was playing softball in your league.
Love Sammy! And much love to you, my friend!
Laughed out loud at this one, especially since my husband and I could relate to much of what you wrote. Being 66 and 70 respectively, and still feeling like we’re 18, there is no going quietly into the “good night.”
Good stuff Steve. But I don't picture you as old. I picture the athletic free safety who could crack a joke and get the girl. I'm with you on pickleball but for a different reason: every doctor I know says they see the most injuries in "old people" from playing pickleball. No thanks. And I was going to join a senior baseball league until I saw the 70 year old Cubans in the Florida league on their web site and just knew they would strike me out every time. While smoking a cigar and drinking a beer. I'll just stick to my morning sprints, free weights while watching Morning Joe and naps whenever I feel like it. And in Florida, most sane people hire a gardener. Thanks for writing these.
Thank you for that, Tony!